AND THE OLD LADY SAID

Presented by Jean Elizabeth Ward
THE OLD LADY

Before she became:
Cold, old, hard, and tired.

Created by Jean Elizabeth Ward 2006

EXCERPT FROM BOOK

It
Was
- Today -
When I realized
I was old; went in to
Watch a movie, and O;
They had turned off my cable
T.V. my telephone was out of order;
I suppose as
They draft those;
I am a fool,
I think my brain snapped,
Went clap, clap, and clap;
Split its separate ways,
Said the old lady;
One day I awake, I am that one-
I run and play and I love the sun.

The next day I crawl outta’ bed,
Can barely see-by my dog I’m led.
The next day I eat differently,
I love chaos and creative debris.
The next night I’m up all night,
And I write and write and write,
And then I toss out all the stuff;
Desiring none, I’ve had enough!
To the shops I go, my one day out,
I buy it all, I’m tough and stout,
Until the HOT FLASHES . . . find me,
And
Then
I
S
C
R
E
A
M
~*~
O
Yes I
Scream!
Hot flashes-
My way of knowing
God really is mean - because
. . . He's a man, . . . isn't He? . . .

EXCERPT FROM BOOK

Now
Listen . . . men,
When you see a woman in
Three . . . shades . . . of green;
Leave her alone, get away from her,
Or she surely will scream; HOT FLASHES ya' know?
I can tell you now,
I’ve been on both ends;
PMS in the beginning,
Childbirth in between,
But, there is nothing
That will make you scream
Like those damn HOT FLASHES!
Fallen bladder . . . don’t bother me,
It’s those hot flashes that make me scream!

EXCERPT FROM BOOK

I
Say
God -- it’s
Hot … in this shop!
The cashier says no it’s not.
Right there is noncommunication;
Management should first be taught,
The very first thing about hot flashes
That make old ladies scream. It’s obvious;
I’m almost undressed,
I’m fanning myself,
Looking desperately for the loo.
O my precious Lord, what do I do?
~*~
I
R
R
I
T
A
B
L
E
Bowel
Syndrome,
Panic attacks,
Depression-disease;
I don’t mind at all,
I’ve ... had … them all,
But these damned HOT FLASHES
Push me … right up
Against the wall;
Makes me want
To kill!
~*~
Men
Watch
Out at the
Golfing Range,
If you see a woman
You think's . . . insane!

EXCERPT FROM BOOK

*Before he died we had many fights,
In some we both found a bit of delight,
And though I did-not say,
There are things I’ve written today;

Hey
Old man,
My -- grieving
Days are over and done,
But your days have just begun,
As I imagine you there beyond belief
With arthritic knees . . . needing relief.

The reflux condition, and the sneeze.
The sleep apnea you wore a mask for-
What was that really for;
Fresh air you needed to help you sleep?
O
I
Doubt
That
You
Damned
Creep!

EXCERPT FROM BOOK

Yes
I doubt
Many things,
But I know what
Your tomorrows bring;
Your inability to sing of my love;
Five minutes you arrogantly called love,
“And Oh, honey . . . do you feel good?”
O, my Lord! Who … could feel good?
But you found that out the hard way!
Go ahead -- Donkey enjoy your day!
D
O
N
K
E
Y
!!
O
By
The way
I really pray
Your black hair
Turned a dingy, dirty,
Dishwater grey; that is
If you have any hair today?
Today that is my one prayer.

EXCERPT FROM BOOK

It
Has
Only taken
Me eon's of years,
Many cries, why's, and fears
For my insecure life, just to remain
A Pervert's wife; but why all the strife?
From
Him
Came
A
Bit of silence,
And this one reply;
Cantankerous old woman,
Cantankerous ------old broad;
Your mom should have named you Maude.
Instead she gave you a name to make me think
You were a charmer, damned old woman full of drama.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

EXCERPTS FROM THE BOOK

Copyrighted 2006 by Jean Elizabeth Ward
Published with iUniverse.com/Barnes & Nobles
Scheduled for release in March 2007

THE GIFT OF A GUN

Gifts are wonderful,
Gifts are fun,
But don't go giving
No crazy person
The gift of a gun;

I've been robbed,
Robbed and beaten,
And treated pretty bad,
But what is really sad --
Is I've always had a gun
Right beneath my bed.

When trained to use it;
I didn't shoot bad.
It's a gift I've been
Pleased to have had.

But one never knows
For I've seen on the news,
When one might go crazy,
And decide to use
That gift of metal,
When sad or confused.

So listen to me now!
Not even in fun --
Go giving no -- crazy person
The gift of a gun

~~~~~~~~~~~~

BOOKS PUBLISHED
by Jean Elizabeth Ward
with iUniverse/Barnes & Nobles  

ELVIS: THE FAIRY TALE

JOHN DONNE: AN HOMAGE TO

MY SPECIAL BOOK
(Basic Poetry with Instructions)

A BARBARA ANNE BUSHY TALE
(Children’s Collection in Rhyme)

EARTH SPIRIT
(Native American Indian Poems and Quotes)

SEABROOK WITHIN A GARDEN
(Poems about Seabrook, Texas
and Garden Poetry)

SERENE SPECULATIONS
(Thought Provoking and Inspirational)

LOVE AND LOSS: DIVORCE POETRY
(The good, bad, ugly, they are all here)

POETRY A’ LA’ SHAPE
(Poetry in shapes and forms)

BROTHERS and SISTERS OF THE SOIL
(A Child Abuse Awareness Book)

SYLVIA PLATH: AN HOMAGE TO

MY JAPANESE POETRY


OTHER COLLECTIONS INCLUDE:

AND THE OLD LADY SAID
(The rantings and ravings of an old lady)


THE PEKINGESE POET
PRESENTS
Children's Stories
With a chapter
For pets with short attention spans

Mary Todd Lincoln’s life in rhyme
Abraham Lincoln in rhyme
The Civil war in rhyme

Life before the Galveston, Texas
1900 hurricane

The old man who loved the sea

The failure of an American Woman

Folklore and Fables
Several Children’s series

Homage to Many Other Poets

A book featuring my Mandalas designs
With Poetry written for each

A Series in Alphabetical Order
And a Picture book with 25 illustrations
Of Elvis Presley and his family

There are many more
Waiting to be complied together and edited

© Jean Elizabeth Ward
Poet Laureate
Multimedia Artist
Mandala Maker
Published Author

~~~~~~~~~~~~

AS PEACEFUL AS I CAN BE

I am an old woman and I love the sea;
I want to be as close to it as I can be,
With the wind in my face,
And the sun in my hair,
For when I'm out there
I feel peaceful and free
Without a single care;
And if I live to be
One hundred and three,
Please place me out there,
For then I'll truly be;
The old woman and the sea.

But until then, give me the strength
To keep my garden as clean as can be.

POEM FROM:
SEABROOK
WITHIN A GARDEN  





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Explicit material



AND THE
OLD LADY SAID

By Jean Elizabeth
Ward
Poet Laureate

iUniverse

~~*~~

Poet Laureate -- Multimedia Artist -- Mandala Maker -- Author